Dear Writers of Amulet Fanfiction
by Dysfunctional Nat
Summary: Yes, it's that story. From yours truly comes expressive and sometimes violently written letters about their opinions on us fanfiction writers. Open to suggestions, may swear a bit from the more moody characters *coughTrelliscough*.
1. Emily

Dear Writers of Fanfiction,

I do not like/love Trellis. No, Tremily is not a real thing. Know why? Because;

1. I am twelve, he is nineteen.

2. He is the son of the Elf King.

3. I DON'T LIKE HIM!

Don't be a pedophile, don't make him a pedophile, he's really not.

-Emily Hayes, pissed off madwoman

* * *

**Disclaimer: I do not own Amulet**

**Open to suggestions, just had to make this.**


	2. Trellis, Emily and Navin

Dear "Writers" of Fanfiction,

I do not burst out singing or dancing like some show monkey!

-Trellis, Prince of Elves

And I'm not so depressed that I haven't so much as sang the past few years of my life.

-Emily Hayes, Amulet Keeper

And I can get my sister to smile without having her sing (and torturing us all).

-Navin Hayes, Pilot

* * *

**Yes, just had to add the titles.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Amulet**


	3. Karen

Dear Writers of Fanfiction,

I am not needy and overcontrolling, I simply look out against whatever monstrosity your fandom manages to spawn against my children.

Sincerely,

Karen Hayes


	4. Emily2

Dear Writers of Fanfiction,

I'm not staying you know, I won't become some queen.

I just want to go home.

Sincerely,

Emily Hayes

* * *

**Disclaimer: I do not own Amulet**

**See, the thing is there are so many fics in which Emily is queen with Trellis but honestly I never get those.**

**Emily clearly states that she's only there to save her family and fight the Elf King (the father of Trellis).**

**Thanks to ParSio for bringing this up, and the idea. **

**ParSio- Are you who I think you are?**

**~An Infinite World**


	5. Leon

Dear Writers of Fanfiction,

I am an only child... at least I think I am.

*LEON OUT!*

* * *

**I'm such a hypocrite, I kinda like the Leon sibling fics.**


	6. Amulet

Dear Writers of Fanfiction,

I'm not pure evil, just misleading.

-The Amulet around Emily's neck

* * *

**Just putting that idea out there...**

**~An Infinite World**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Amulet**


	7. Emily3

Dear Writers of Fanficiton,

I am not a dragon, mermaid, hell-demon nor elf thank-you-very-much.

-Emily Hayes, screw off

* * *

***coughcough* Not me. I let Acrilias (my amulet) take over.**

**|Yesss**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Amulet**


	8. Isabelle

Dear Writers of Fanfiction,

Stay away from my Trellie-boo.

-XOXO, Isabelle, rabid fangirl

* * *

**Lol, she's an OC that is writing to you saying to stop with the other Oc's... no canon.**

**I'm willing to have these kind of things more often (your Oc/character/amulet writing to fanfiction writers)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Amulet**

**~An Infinite World**


	9. Trellis

Dear Writers of Fanfiction (namely thecakemasterofpanem),

NOT. MY. HAIR.

Sire sexy of the luscious locks kingdom.

Aka Trellis

* * *

**Disclaimer: I do not own Amulet nor PRANKED by thecakemasterofpanem**

**Suggested by guest reviever Amelia, thanks. Also no offence to cakemaster, just used their story (no harm meant) as an example seeing as this fandom is so limited in choices.**

**All reviews welcome, ideas will be taken into account**

**~Lady Fabulous of the Perf Girls**

**Aka An Infinite World**


	10. Karen2

Dear Writers of Fanfiction,

NO ELVISH PRINCE IS KNOCKNG UP MY DAUGHTER THANK-YOU-VERY-MUCH!

-Karen

Ps. You better sleep with one eye open tonight.

Yeah yeah, mother. I'M AN UNCLE! WHOO! And yes, I know that Emily will soon be a widow (at this rate of Trellis' survival chances) but who cares, I'm an uncle!

-Navin

* * *

**It was originally Navin but since Karen seems more likely to freak out whereas Navin would be more like, "Cool I'm an uncle." Thanks to KasPer1516 for bringing that up.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Amulet**

**~An Infinite World**


	11. Emily4

Dear Writers of Fanfiction,

12. 12. 12. 12. 12. 12. 12. Is it stuck in your puny minds yet? I'M TWELVE! Not thirteen, or fouteen, or fifteen, or sixten, or seventeen, or eighteen and sure as hell not nineteen! No disease, spell, curse, potion, accident, amulet, or anything else you people manage to think up will change the fact that I was written at the age of twelve. The only way I would possibly be older would be if it was a future fic, or a birthday one. And let's face it, will I live long enough to see either? Now please stop making me write letters, I feel needy and desperate.

Sincerely, Emily Hayes

* * *

**Okay, just listen to this one. Yes, I did follow the guest review's idea of basing it from Morbus by wolveswolvesandmorewolves but it has been done in many other fics. I'm pretty sure that Emily is twelve and Trellis is nineteen, least that's what most fics say, but correct me if I'm wrong and you have actual proof.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Amulet**

**~An Infinite World**


	12. Max

Dear Writers of Fanfiction,

Okay... so this is kind of awkward and wierd but... well, I'm asking for you to write a fic. One about Layra. I don't care if she's in love with my father or a slug (actually, I kinda do) but just know that she's still alive in my heart. Because she seems forgotten, and I promised to never forget her.

Sincerely,

Max Griffin, broken-hearted boy

* * *

**Oh god that was hard to write without going into too much emotion (beacuse that would be just un-Max). But I'm pretty sure that Max loved Layra and he obviously didn't forget her because in Prince of Elves he asked her to forgive him.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Amulet**

**~An Infinite World**


	13. You've Got Fanmail

Emily watched as the red hand on her wrist watch slowed to a stop. "What in the world?" She muttered. She looked it over for any signs of damage but there were none. "Must be dead." But what she was about to walk into told her otherwise.

The guards where entirely frozen into place, there was no sort of continuation of time...

"Emily?" said a voice. Emily saw that it was Trellis, behind him was Navin and Karen.

"What happened?" said Emily.

"This happened." said another voice. It was a tall girl with short, blonde hair. She carried a large bag filled with envelopes and packages. The tall girl dug out a letter adressed to Trellis. "Read with caution."

Trellis paled at the sight of who it was written by.

_Dear Trellis,_

_I have called. And called. And waited. And called. And you know what? I'm sick of it! I thought that you had loved me Trellis! IF YOU DID YOU WOULD GET YOUR ASS HERE AND HELP ME RAISE MY CHILD!_

_-Isabelle Huntswood_

"Who's Isabelle?"

"You have a child!"

"YOU LEFT HER!"

"None of this is true!" said Trellis, "I swear! I don't know any Isabelle's except... oh no." He grabbed the tall girl roughly and shooke her. "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!"

"I only delivered mail!" said the tall girl.

"Trellis, you're scaring her!"

"She's crossed the line!" Trellis shouted. "Or rather the dimension! There is a fine barrier between fiction and reality, then there's the hellzone, or fanfiction if you will. You're suppose to get rid of letters sent from the hellzone. Not bring them to us! Now she's opened a rip in the fabric of the universe and any letters from the hellzone can be sent!"

"Trellis! Calm down!" Emily shouted.

"Prepare yourselves for war." Trellis whispered, tightening his armor straps.

"What's your name anyways?" Navin asked the tall girl.

"I'm not suppose to say." said the tall girl.

"We'll be seeing you a lot, might as well." said Trellis.

"Oh, it's Natalie." said Natalie.

"Well Natalie," said Trellis. "I hope you can fight, because you just started a war you can't escape."

Natalie gave one last frightened look, silently begging to Emily, before she materialized away to the mail center. The red hand on Emily's clock began to move again and the guards from the palace went on like nothing had happened.

"What on earth just happened?" Navin asked.

* * *

**Yes, now the characters from the hellzone- I mean fanfiction, can send letters to characters from canon. Example: Crazy Mary Sue Isabelle sends crazier letter to craziest canon Trellis. Natalie (my name, me) is there to deliver letters between all realms. So I've been delivering the canon letters to reality, and now the hellzone letters to canon. Just to shake things up a bit (because we're limited). Welcome to all suggestions.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Amulet**

**~An Infinite World**


	14. Trellis2 (and Sera)

Dear Writers of Fanfiction,

More specifically dear writer of The One, aka Akuma Kawashima.

Do not ever, ever, ever, have that Carter girl call me Sunshine again so help your head not going on a bronze plaque in my room.

-Trellis

aka Sunshine

I've taken over this letter! Author, next time you write, be sure to have me call him Sunshine just to annoy him!

Love,

Sera Carter

* * *

_Letter of apology:_

_Letter(s) adressed from fiction to reality but it got mixed up in the hellzone._

_Sorry for the inconvenience, the IFRPS thanks you for your patience._

_-Natalie of the IFRPS (the Interdimensional Fandom and Reality Postal Service)_

* * *

**What that means is sorry I haven't posted sooner, I had all this free time I spent watching Sing Your Face Off. I know, pathetic. KasPer1516 told me that according to wikia, Trellis was 16, I unfortunately didn't find it so I'm sicking to 19 so it exaggerates the age difference.**

**Requests are taken into thought and possibly put into story.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Amulet**

**Note: The IFRPS can only deliver and cross so many letters and so many dimensions so many times without being caught in the hellzone or losing said letter. We appreciate your understanding to this difficult matter.**

**~An Infinite World**


	15. Miskit

Dear Writers of Fanfiction,

Why don't I have any fangirls? I'm a mechanical pink bunny-bot! I'm freaking adorable!

XOXO,

Miskit

* * *

**Silly rabbit, fangirls are for the smexy older men!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Amulet**

**~An Infinite World**


	16. Trellis3

Dear Writers Of Fanfiction,

Or thecakemasterofpanem.

I was claustrophobic before you stuffed me in a closet with Emily... it only got much worse.

-Trellis, scared and shaking

* * *

**Sorry if it seems like I'm picking on you! I just got (another) request to do Pranked so I did to make up for the two-day-non-post. By the way, a letter came for you guys.**

Dear Writers of Fanfiction,

Due to a shipping malfunction called "Writer's Block" we have not been able to deliver any letters between dimensions. The IRFPS is doing all they can but is currently only touching as it once was. We apreciate your understanding and want to let you know that letters will be on their way.

Sincerely,

Natalie of the IRFPS

**Writer's Block sorta, I mean just for this due to the amount of stories we don't have. I have this one-shot about Miskit that I want to get finished and posted whenever but I'm still human and young and I need to go to school so tally ho.**

**~An Infinite World**


	17. Characters of Fanfiction

Dear Writers of Fanfiction,

It's dark, lonely and cold. You can't talk to anyone else that you're stuck in the abyss with because you weren't given speech in the abyss. And you can't move either, because you weren't given any movement there. In fact if it weren't for the fact that it doesn't say "complete" somewhere there on that strange information block, you'd be dead.

You can think, of course, but those thoughts aren't thoughts of current action and in-the-moment choices that your author had left you to make as a cilffhanger. No, you must think of when you'll get out, or how many mistakes you'll make publicly whenever the author gets around to the next chapter.

And you think about how that author will write you next time. Will you be clumsy and fall or do something dramatically stupid, or make a terrible choice? What happens if you end up in a relationship? Are you even ready for that? How old did the author write you anyways? And more importantly, how old did the author write your partner in the relationship?

Day, weeks, months, _years_ have past, or had it only been three minutes? You lose track of time, you never counted in the first place. It was useless, sometimes the author gets lazy, or they just forget about you and your story, or they find better things to do. But sometimes they can be sincere, sometimes. Not normally.

You, the main character, doesn't have it as bad, some of your castmates have it far worse than you. Take your castmate Rico, he doesn't star in your author's story all to much, but every so many chapters or so he makes that one brief appearence, but every other time its into that abyss of numbness. You certainly don't have it as bad as him.

I hope you know that this life is terrible, that inflicting such terror upon any fictional or nonfictional being is cruelty. But obviously you can't just give up your writing passion for fanfiction, and while you may have a busy schedule, I'm sure twenty minutes of writing a day can be fit somewhere. So please, authors, we are begging you from the abyss.

Give us purpose. Bring out those smaller characters more often, I think that Enzo will go insane pretty soon, and update more so that abyss can seem like this small challenge we face anyways, kind of like school or bedtime.

-The characters of fanfiction

(Written in order of each paragraph by the following: Gabilan, Leon, Rico, Luger, Emily, Layra and Navin)

* * *

**My that was longer than I'd expected, but it's a self-reminding hypocritical and completely but honestly made up many paragraphed letter. By written in order of each paragraph I mean that paragraph one was written by Gabilan, paragraph two by Leon and so on.**

**I hope this reminds me to post more often so I don't store those poor characters in the abyss for any longer... also hopefully reminds you too. But I know that life is very busy so we can only do so much, and I respect that.**

**I have honestly no idea what characters do when they're not in use of writing... I'm kinda just guessing they're sitting in an abyss-y sort of place thinking limited thoughts had having no physical abilities other than living (and the thigns vital to that).**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Amulet**

**~An Infinite World**


	18. Emily5

Dear Writers of Fanfiction,

Specifically to a Miss KasPer and Mister ParSio (even if ParSio had nothing to do with it, he still was suppose to keep Miss KasPer in check)

Letters are cliche.

-Emily

* * *

**Says the one who's written five of them to you people...**

**Sorry for the late posting, test stuff, also I'm trynig to make chapter five for a different fanfiction and make one shots for Amulet (beacuse I work that way). Also if I write a multi-chapter story before I announce it, I'll have it to work on... blah.**

**~An Infinite World**


	19. Leon2

Dear KasPer1516, yes, I am that desperate,

Please take this demon-spwan you call Acrilias out of my room, out of my house and out of my sight! He his claiming you have plans to kill me, perfectly fine, you're only killing fanfiction, not canon, and refuses to let me out of his sight.

Furthermore if you find that a classic wooden school chair, three yards of braided poylester rope and a western-style cloth bandana (which could easily substitute for a gag) has gone missing, my adress is 1218 Redtrot Ave., Kanalis, Southwestern Windsor, Alledia.

Should you happen to find either me or that Acrilias fellow dead, you should be smart enough to understand what happened, assuming you even get this letter. I hope you come quickly with help as I am desperate enough to write on a piece of toilet paper, with lipstick (don't ask) using my teeth in a bathroom.

Help,

The victim Leon Redbeard.

* * *

**Now look what you've done KasPer! I told you to run and yet somehow it's Leon who gets the punishment of your actions, go to the 1218 Redtrot Ave., Kanalis, Southwestern Windsor, Alledia and save him.**

**Don't question why Leon is being held captive by Acrilias and why I'm talking to KasPer1516 specifically. We have wierd 300 message conversations.**

**~An Infinite World**


	20. Gabilan

Dear Writers of Fanfiction,

I WILL HAVE MY REVENGE!

-Gabilan

* * *

**Dying to see The Fault in Our Stars, but I can't. So I'm settling for listening to the soundtrack and Birdy.**

**~An Infinite World**


	21. Leon3

Dear Writers of Fanfiction,

I am a straight foxman, that means no shipping me with people like Miskit or Rico and sure as hell not Trellis. Furthermore, I am also a reasonable foxman, that means no prying on twelve-year-old girls such as Emily. If by any chance you happen to think these two options are plausible, here are two things you should know about me.

I am not gay, a certain stone spirit named Acrilias made sure of that. I am not a pedophile, I probably won't ever get married and settled down due to my bounty hunter status, but if I happen to do such thing, I would like to settle down with a lovely fox wife around my age.

-Leon.

* * *

**|I didn't do nothing!**

**Yes, we're _very _sure of that.**

**|Cara will fend for me!**

**Cara's racist- against you!**

**|She is?**

**~An Infinite World**


	22. Emily6

Dear father,

We are well.

I may join you soon.

I love you.

Love,

Emily

* * *

**Happy Father's Day.**

**~An Infinite World**


	23. Underworld Reception

He watched as each apparition floated by, they didn't know what they were doing, how they were doing it or even who they were. The Lethe river water took care of that, it wiped the memory of all those who lived in the Fields of Asphodel.

He didn't know why they chose to place him in the Underworld, the Greek religion, he was full well a Christian man who believed in God (note only one) and Heaven and Hell. And there was another question, why did he keep his memories while these ghosts walked around around, oblivious to everything else.

"Mail for David Hayes," a female's voice called above the crowd. His name was David Hayes, this mail meant as his. But who would ever write to a dead man? He walked over to the woman, she was tall and blonde and held out an envelope, for him.

The mailwoman nodded for him to open up the letter, and he did.

When he read it, he nearly choked on tears. His own daughter was writing to him, and he didn't know why. Was it her depression? Was it some sort of closure, a way to cope with loss after all this time? Or did she really believe that this letter would reach her? Not only that but one line had said, "I may join you soon." Was her daughter going to commit suicide? What in the name of all that is good was happening?

"You want answers," said the mailwoman. "I can give."

"Emily writes because she knows you'll get it. And no, she is not commiting suicide, not again. ("AGAIN?") But she is in a war, and she is not likely to survive it. You were placed in the Underworld so you'll be in a fandom, the Percy Jackson fandom to be exact, that way you can recieve letters." His daughter, in a war. Him, in a fandom...

David turned to ask another question but the mailwoman was gone.

* * *

**This explains why/how;**

**1. Emily wrote**

**2. David reacted**

**3. It gives a reference from my other story.**

**I don't know if David was a Christian man but I put that there because I couldn't see him worshipping Greek gods, so he'd be confused why he was in the Underworld. It's Percy Jackson, fandom for mail delivery. Fates sure is three tricky ladies.**

**~An Infinite World**


	24. Luger

Dear Writers of Fanfiction,

Thank you for the... erm, devotion towards Amulet, because we wouldn't be here without you.

-Luger

Luger looked up towards Trellis, "Was that the right thing to say?" Luger asked.

"I don't know, I'm not really thankful for anything," said Trellis. "Why can't I fall in love with an actual elf my age, or a tree, or a slug."

Luger took out the letter again and added on.

Ps. Thank you for having yet ridiculously pairing me with Emily, or a tree, or a slug.

* * *

**Yeah... 6 days to summer break. KasPer1516 told me to do something they were thankful for... couldn't really think of anything so here's a compliment sandwhich. Thank you for knowing your limits but really? Poor Trellis.**

**~An Infinite World**


	25. Trellis4

Dear Writers of Fanfiction,

What big teeth I have, yes, the better to eat you with.

-Trellis

* * *

**Just a warning to KasPer.**

**~An Infinite World**


	26. Isabel

Dear Writers of Fanfiction,

I exist you know.

-Isabel CHARNON

* * *

**Just saying...**

**~An Infinite World**


	27. Enzo

Dear Writers of Fanfiction,

Secret warship room? What! No...

-Enzo

* * *

**Secret Trellis worship room? Nah... but secret Leon worship closet?**

**|Hush child**

**~An Infinite World**


	28. Pedophile or Underaged?

Natalie stood and looked at the two Mary Sues, I mean costumers, presented before her. "You want me, the goody-two-shoes, very loyal to the IFRPS, and never messed up an order post-girl, to sneak you two, demons from the hellzone, into the Fiction domain of Amulet? Are you insane?"

"No, we just want to ask our Trelly something." said the first girl. She had blinding golden sun-kissed hair, porcelain skin that rivaled that of the elves (of the Lord of the Rings) and magenta-blue eyes. She was short and seemingly shy, but her true nature did not reflect that image. They call her Camara.

"_Our_ Trelly?" the other one asked, she had flowing auburn hair, a fair complexion and dark brown eyes flecked with gold. She was tall, much taller than Camara, eloquent and mischievous. They call her Dianise. "Excuse me but we agreed that so long as you get Legolas for yourself, I could have Trellis."

"Oh fine, but I still want the answer I've come so far to learn." Camara smiled in a daunting way.

"If I remember clearly," said Dianise. "I was the one who caused that debate in the first place while you sat around nodding your heading and watching your prince surf on shields- which was quite obviously movie-made."

"It was not movie-made!" Camara shrieked. "I once was there and I saw it for myself!"

"You were in a fanfiction, you could've seen the dwarf in a speedo!" Dianise replied with equal anger.

"And who's to say I haven't?" Camara smirked.

"Are you two going to give me a normal reason or not!" said Natalie. One could only take so much arguing and disturbing comments.

"We want to see Trellis to ask him a very serious question." Camara said.

"Why not ask me?" said Natalie, rather sick of these girls. "I am the interdimensional traveler for books and graphic novels. And I'm headed towards Alledia today anyways, I can just ask it for you."

"But I want him to hear it in my own words!" Dianise whined. "Who knows what you'll end up changing!"

"Fine," said Natalie with a roll of her eyes. "But I'm not bringing you there, so you best write it in the form of a letter." She held out a pen and a blank stationary.

"Fine," said Dianise with a long, heaving sigh attached to it. In messy cursive that made Natalie's eye twitch, she wrote the terrible letter. "I guess we shall go then!" She said to Camara in a tone that openly displayed her annoyance at the denial of interdimensional travel. "Come along now!"

"Come back in ten minutes!" Natalie called after them. "Or never," she added to herself.

Natalie shook her head and got back to work, stepping on a pearl she acquired from the Percy Jackson fiction, she teleported in a puff of smoke to the castle of Alledia.

* * *

"Who're the psycho's writing this time?" said a voice out in the courtyard.

"Hey, Navin," said Natalie with a smile. "Someone I'm going to regret letting get through to you."

Navin jumped off the wooden swing and ran inside the great palace.

"Mail!" Natalie shouted into the empty hallway. But soon that hallway wasn't so empty, it was filled with the characters like Emily and Gabilan and Miskit and Luger and so on and so on. Allies and enemies gathered in peace (or as peaceful as fanmail gets) to watch each victim read and write their letters.

"We've got a letter from Dianise Spencers, from the hellzone! Adressed to, who else," the crowd waited as the victim's name was about to be read. "Trellis."

A pale, shaking elf stepped forward and quickly took note at the amount of sparkles that somehow managed to place themselves onto the envelope. Not before running to return to the toilet what he had eaten that morning, Trellis opened it up.

_Dear Trellis,_

_How old are you? Are you 16? Because then you'd be underaged and we wouldn't be able to have fun. Or are you 19? Then you'd be a pedophile, well, for the Tremily relationship anyways. It just so happens that I am 18. In age, single, and waiting for you. Again, are you a pedo or are you underaged?_

_Kisses and more *wink*,_

_Dianise Spencers_

Not caring that there wasn't much left in his stomach to empty, Trellis rushed to the bathroom and prayed to the porcelain Gods once more. Once he was sure there was nothing left, Trellis went back to the Hallway of Death (as Navin dubbed it) to face the sympathetic looks of his Amulet canon comrades.

"So..." said Navin, awkwardly. "Which is it?"

"What do you mean?" Trellis asked.

"Are you 16 or 19?" Navin asked.

"I'm 19," said Trellis. "But for the sake of staying away from that loon, I'm going to pretend that I am fifteen."

"Smart choice." said Natalie, she handed Trellis a pen and a blank stationary, the same pen and blank stationary that Dianise used, in fact.

_Dear Dianise,_

_15. Sorry, but I think I'd be scarred if you tried anything. I am no pedophile, it is only two years._

"Emily," said Trellis. "You're going to kill me, but I want to protect myself."

_And I am very loyal to Emily._

_-Trellis_

SLAP! "Loyal my ass!" said Emily.

"Emily! Language!" Karen scolded.

"She's coming after me next!" Emily cried. "And I'm 12, not 13!"

"Congratulations, your birthday suddenly moved up to today." Trellis said and he threw a part hat, where he got it is unknown, at her.

After Natalie brought the letter back to Dianise, they went and planned a "birthday party" for Emily. They made sure that Natalie was filming every moment and streaming it live to Dianise and Camara, especially those that fakely suggested Tremily. As Natalie brought out the cheap quicky-cake, a stomping noise echoed through the ballroom of the castle.

The steps were quick, uneven and full of rage. Just by the sound of it Natalie could tell it would mean trouble.

The large door to the ballroom was thrown open with a bang. In stormed Dianise with a sheepish-looking Cara, Natalie's co-worker, trailing behind. "This is unfair!" Dianise yelled. "I bet those two don't even like each other!" She pointed accusingly at Trellis and Emily who were holding hands in view-range.

"Of course I like her!" Trellis said, only semi-convincingly.

"Cara, how could you!" Natalie gasped.

"She tricked me!" Cara wailed.

"When did you start liking her?" Dianise asked, "Where did you two first go on a date, have you even kissed her, how smooth has your relationship been. Why. Her!"

Trellis, who had been given a brief run-through of his "relationship" with Emily, rehearsed. "I liked her the moment I saw her, we went on our first date secretly in the forest, a picnic, of course I've kissed her. Our relationship runs like it was meant to be and I chose her because I know she's right for me."

Trellis, mentally throwing up at the sappiness of his words, pulled Emily into a side hug and mentally threw up some more.

"Prove it." said Dianise.

"What do you mean, "Prove it"?" Trellis asked.

"Kiss her!" said Dianise.

"What!" The whole hall yelled in almost unison.

"You heard me!" Dianise screamed. "If she's so perfect for you, kiss her!"

"Fine," said Trellis. He raised Emily's shaking hand and fake-planted a kiss on it.

"You know what I mean," Dianise snapped. "On. The. Lips."

"Excuse me!" Karen screamed.

"Oh, that's it!" said David all the way from the Underworld.

Words and bets started to spread throughout the ball room. The "No way!"'s and "Get me a camera!"'s were heard very easily. Trellis and Emily looked at each other, almost in a sort of fear, and tried to mentally communicate. That of course failed and reached nobody but their amulets.

_It's either give Emily just a kiss or have much worse done to you by that Sue. _Trellis' amulet told him.

**Why on earth would you let him kiss you on the lips! **Emily's amulet ranted. **Wasn't that hand-kiss bad enough?**

_You know what one's the better deal._

**You're going to lose it if he kisses you.**

_I know-_

**It'll confuse you-**

_It may be awkward tomorrow-_

**If he ends up doing it-**

_But it's a clear choice-_

**And although you might cry-**

**_It's for the better._**

Trellis whispered, "Sorry." And pulled Emily into what was possibly Alledia's shortest kiss ever. Which was okay, because Dianise didn't stay long enough to time it. The screams of rage from Dianise was heard from Kanalis to Cielis, as she stormed off the realm, with Cara shamefully trotting behind her.

In the hall two beings were heavily reacting to the kiss as well.

"Ew!" said Trellis. "Disgusting human lips!"

"Ugh!" said Emily. "Repulsive elf lips!"

The two looked at each other, "Don't comment on _my _kissing skills!"

The crowd was exchanging money and rushing up to Natalie to ask if she could use some "Modern Earth Technogoly" to make copies of the kiss caught on camera. "Alright! I bring them in with the next mail delivery!"

* * *

Navin walked quietly to the palace kitchens in need of some water, that was, until he heard a conversation he couldn't afford to miss out on.

"Nightmares?" the voice of Trellis asked who must have been Emily, which was surprising considering they didn't talk all after the kiss.

"Gumdrops and lollipops," said Emily. Navin moved just so he could see his sister and Trellis by the fire.

"Imagine the look on their face tomorrow when all the pictures they asked Natalie to copy turn black." Trellis said with an evil grin on his face.

"Oh," said Emily. "Don't be so immature." She suddenly giggled. "But to think they actually believed we really kissed." Wait, they didn't kiss? This was so confusing for Navin. He saw them lock lips, though for a millisecond, he even got a picture of it!

"Well done my annoying friend," Trellis said to his glowing amulet.

"The power of two can do so much..." Emily grinned.

"It's late, you should go back to sleep." said Trellis after a few minutes of silence and careful watching on Navin's part.

"And see everyone I love die?" said Emily.

Trellis gave Emily an understanding look and said, "Gumdrops and lollipops, Em, gumdrops and lollipops."

Navin took that as his cue to leave before he was caught by his sister. The moment he got to his room he opened the drawer and took out the folder labeled "Blackmail". Under the tab "Emily" he pulled out the picture that had the lips of Emily's kissing Trellis'. Where a picture once was now had nothing but the color black on it.

Navin was still very confused, how was that possible? Was this some... yes, it was a set up. It all fell into place like a hundred bricks falling from the sky. The two made up a plan at the last minute- or was it from the first?- to use the power of both their amulet to create an illusion that made them look like they were kissing, for the shortest, most reasonable, time possible, but long enough so that Dianise saw and got angry and left. Then they staged how terrible it was, the awkwardness after it and Navin could bet his best ship that tomorrow they wouldn't talk for at least the morning. And the picture, that was quite obvious too. The magic that created the image would eventually ware off leaving nothing but a blank, black piece of what use to be a picture.

"What a terribly brilliant idea that was," Navin mused. "And here I was thinking that Emily perhaps was actually interested in Trellis."

* * *

**At a whole 2,030 words this has made my longest piece of writing for fanfiction yet! Yes, terribly pathetic but what do you expect? This was inspired with the whole Trellis age debate. Due to exaggeration of ages between Trellis and Emily he is 19 but pretends to be a fifteen year old dating a pretend recently turned thirteen year old. I wasn't going to add the last part but then I told myself. "In no circumstance would Emily ever willingly kiss Trellis and not kick his balls immediately after." So I added that.**

**I know that this is really weird to have in a 15 word-500 word per chapter fic but I felt we really needed some strange sort of comic relief that wasn't just letters so I wrote this. It just got a little out of hand...**

**Hope you liked.**

**~An Infinite World**


	29. Gabilan2

In response to just about the only person who sent a letter.

_Gabilan,_

_I heard you won't be in book six. So what are you going to do in that time gap until you appear again? Bake cookies? Rob banks? Pick up hellzone marys? Feed your flying pet/partner bird thing? Read fanfiction? If so, of what?_

_-KasPer_

Gabilan looks wildly for his "Over the sixth book to-do list", but it seemed to have made its way into the hands of KasPer1516.

Dear Writer of Fanfiction KasPer1516,

I don't know how exactly you managed to get your hands on my to-do list, but I need it back by August 26th. To answer your question fully and truthfully, I plan to feed the bird the hellzone Marys, but since he can only eat two a day without the glitter upsetting his stomach, I will bake cookies to substitute.

Of course, being a bounty hunter who has failed his bounty mission, I am now probably being bounty hunted, so I'm going to end up running out of money for the batter or food in general, I just know it. In case that happens there's this nice little bank in Kanalis just begging to be robbed.

And of course I will read fanfiction, I think I'm one of the only who actually like it! There's so much blackmail and you get so many good ideas... where was I? Oh, right. I'll still do other things like "run away from people trying to kill me" and "survive" and maybe even "visit my biffle uni-kitty". Maybe.

-Gabilan

Ps. Aren't I so informative and honest? Yet somehow I swear you people intentionally ignore me.

* * *

**Oh Gabilan...**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Amulet**

**~An Infinite World**


	30. Max2

Dear Writer of Fanfiction Amelia,

I don't think Layra would be dissapointed, I know she would. I admit, I was desperate, so I let the Amulet take control. I can't tell if I regret my actions, but I know I would never repeat them.

Unfortunatey, girls aren't exactly where I shine because most end up kicking my palce where it doesn't. I'll list the reasons Emily is attractive to me: ..., and the reason she isn't attractive to me: SHE WOULD KILL ME or remove my genitals, or both. The very least SHE would do is reject me.

-Max Griffin

* * *

**Oh Max... thank you Amelia, I will have Emily's answer up sooner than later.**

**Disclaimer: All rights to Amulet belong to Kazu Kabuishi, the letters have been inspired by other works of fanfiction and you lovely reviewers. Without all of you, none of this woul be possible, so it all belongs to you and Kazu!**

**|Weirdo**

**Hush hush,**

**~An Infinite World**


	31. The Wanna Be's

Dear Reviewer of Fanfiction,

Yes, I do know I'm just an elfin Zuko. Now shuddup! *Why can't I have a girlfriend...*

-Trellis

My hair is my business! So what if it may look like Vegetable's!

-Max

* * *

**Glad to know I'm not the only one who thought that...**

**Disclaimer: The true story is you, and though it may sound like a cat poster, it's true.**

**~An Infinite World**


	32. Rico (Though Really Max)

Dear Writers of Fanfiction,

Enzo is my brother, please accept and respect that.

-Rico

* * *

**Oh, Vegeta, Max wants me to tell you that, hem, "Your Saiyan race was named after vegetables/plant stuff. Kakarot (carrot), Vegeta (vegetable)... so on and so forth. Take it up with your creator if you wanna go." His words, not mine. Please don't blow up my planet, or Alledia for that matter, we already have one evil overlord.**

**Disclaimer: See cat poster**

**~An Infinite World**


	33. Trellis5

Dear Character of Other Fiction Zuko,

Hm, sure. We can swap war stories and you can tell me how you got a girlfriend... I'm rather lonely.

-Trellis

* * *

**Great, now we've got the other fandoms involved, look what Kazu's done to you guys...**

**I've posted more chapters than normal today, I'm rather proud.**

**Disclaimer: Read the past three chapters' disclaimer.**

**~An Infinite World**


	34. Every Character of Amulet

Dear Writers and Reviewers of Fanfiction

Oh, thanks a lot. Now someone's sure to write a truth- *the text is scribbled beyond recognition from this part on*

-Every Character of Amulet

Ps. Authors, don't. You. Think about it.

* * *

**Well.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Amulet**

**~An Infinite World**


	35. Trellis6

Dear Reviewers of Fanfiction,

I don't want to know what my age is at this point, and yes, I will take care of the Cubone.

-Trellis

* * *

**The heck's a cubone? Anyways, two things. I've looked for the seventh million time and I FINALLY found where it said he was 16, I just never looked there. Sorry about that huge thing, but I'm sticking with nineteen despite knowing the facts. The reasoning is to exaggerate the age difference (I swear I've told you this seven million times as well) because isn't Emily twelve?. But on the other hand, when I searched "trellis amulet" on Google, chapter 2 of this fic showed up as the third result! Fourth if you count images. But still! EEEEEEEKK!**

**|Shuddup I'm trying to sleep**

**Since when do you sleep?**

**Disclaimer: Er, yea, just look at previous chapters**

**~An Infinite World**

**Ps. Then I searched "emily amulet" and found the same chapter as the third as well! *Fourth if images counts.**


	36. Karen3

Dear Psychos of Fanfiction,

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU SICK MINDED CHILDREN! I WOULD NEVER BETRAY DAVID AND CERTAINLY NOT WITH AN ELF HALF MY AGE!

-Karen HAYES

* * *

**Geez... by the way KasPer, one of us mentioned that ship sometime ago... I think you wondered what was wrong with us. It's not us, it's the fandom.**

**Hey! In attention of my little 46 review victory, the 50th reviewer will have the chance to... dunananun! Request some random one shot. Let's see how badly this screw up... okay, basically I announce the 50th if I ever get there, and that person PMs or Reviews it. If you're a guest, start making a name for yoursef. I'll send the rules later on. And this was out of boredom, to let you know...**

**Disclaimer: See other chapters**

**~An Infinite World**


	37. Gabilan's To-Do List

**Gabilan's Over-The-Sixth-Book To-Do List**

**(copy from KasPer1516)**

1. Get a tan.

2. Talk to young girls

3. Hunt down a house

4. Give pet new toys *hellzone marries*

5. Visit mother

6. Pay child support

7. Find that leprechaun's gold

8. Hit the gym

9. Lose weight

10. Catch up on soap operas

11. Try out a new haircut

12. Get seen with a baby (bitches love babies)

13. Bomb Kanalis

14. Go to fiji

15. Win the lottery

16. Steal the lottery

17. Enhance culinary skills

18. Rob a bank

19. Donate money to psycho extremists

20. Watch the world burn

21. Take son to Disney

22. Teach pet new tricks

23. Interrogate Trellis fangirls for info on him when returning to cast

24. Visit the Playelf mansion

25. Try to get lucky

26. Eat small animals

27. Go on a rage

28. Drink bleach and get famous on the internet

29. 'Friend' Grumpy Cat on facebook

30. Midlife crisis

31. Take up knitting

32. Kidnap young girls for ransom

33. Plot how to become king

34. Go over speaking lines

35. Chill with penguins

36. Learn the ways of ninjas

37. Try nutella

38. Stalk Natalia Poklonskaya

39. Order pizza

40. Hang with smurfs and watch unicorns (get high)

41. Observe Sasha Grey's work

43. Fap

44. Go to Germany for Oktoberfest

45. Climb Mt. Everest

46. Have a tea party

47. Be a drag queen

48. Find Waldo

49. Go to rock and metal concerts

50. Read the 'grey shades' trilogy

51. Make slug slushies (yum)

52. Polish biffle unikitty bike

53. Be awesome

54. Own waifus

55. Watch anime

56. Hug all the cats

57. Pick up around the house

58. Get a piercing

59. Get a tattoo

60. Go streaking

61. Flash little school girls

62. Call Logi to bail me out of jail

63. Have a stag party

64. Ruin a young woman's life

65. Get white boy wasted

66. Upload everything to youtube

67. Grow hair

68. Get back to normal for next book

69. Get to this number

* * *

**Okay, first credits to KasPer1516 for making this list. Second, I know I've been off for forever, and I have a half-explanation.**

**For the first two weeks of my absence, my computer was messed up, so I was unable to write (my phone didn't let me) but I could communicate through PM. After that I had no plot, and no motivation... so laziness was really the only thing there.**

**Anyway, I'll see what shot I'll make, sorry for the wait.**

**I down't own Amulet**

**~An Infinite World**


End file.
